Have you ever felt you have so much potential but you can’t put it into anything, or at the very least you can but your actions seem to fall short of where you really would like to be? There is so much that I am capable of but yet, I am not given the chance to show the world what I can do. The only place where I can truly let everything out is with my band tribal path there are no rules just let everything out and that is how music, true music is made.
My work right now is pretty crummy, well I should say lack of work really, I need to find a job that will be consistent I have all these people resting on my shoulders and all the stress that is filling up my plate , yes I may have been the one that put it there in the first place but I have aspired to be so much more to the ones I care about, I would like to be a better husband, a better friend, a better supporter, a protector, well there are a lot of things but the main point is that I feel like I am failing. Sure I am only 23yrs old but time to me has no boundaries on a person’s kinetic potential. I have had some setbacks but I am working through them and well….. I don’t know what to say, this is life. Maybe I have held my expectations up too high, but, from the words of my closest friend Jon, “I would rather shoot for the stars and miss than aim for the gutter and make it”. I don’t know there is just a lot that I need done in my life or I won’t feel like I am the person I need to be, want to be. Sometimes I feel I need to push the ones I love away for a while just so I can prevent them from getting hurt, even by myself. Is it wrong of me to think that? Don’t I have a right to? They say you need to put yourself first worry about your happiness just as much, but to me that is an opinion, I feel that I won’t be happy until everyone else around me is as happy as they can be, to live life the way I want them to. May I become the hermit that sits all lonesome on the open roads that contain no bounds, I don’t want that at all, but to save the ones I love from such torment, maybe it’s worth it. I would give up my life knowing that they could live comfortable the rest of their lives, roof over their heads, food on the table, luxuries like cable and internet I mean whatever that they wanted they could have( I also want them to know the value of hard work as well), I don’t know I feel like I am rambling now, there are so many thing I want to do, no , need to do but in reality there is little I can do, there is so many things that I may have control over.
This is not some piece of writing begging for sympathy not at all, but rather this is a piece that will allow those who read understand how I feel about some current situations. It also won’t matter what you tell me, not to be rude, but I will feel this way in one more way than one until I feel that there are certain things that have been taken care of, so until then, I do enjoy the time I have with the people I love and care about, only want the best for them, is that too much to ask?
God if you can hear my prayers all I ask that I have the opportunities to be able to change my life and for those people around me, the ones that I love. There is no better feeling to me in the world when I see the eyes of those around me with a spirit in their eyes, of true love and thankfulness, knowing how much I have done for them and how much I love them, and knowing that I would do anything for their happiness. I think I only felt that once or twice.
Anyway I am gonna go have a smoke now, I kinda need one it has been a long day to a great weekend.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Changes
People change; experiences, events, other people, we all have a life that is somehow interconnected with everyone else on this 3rd rock from the sun. Regardless of what the experience is or was or will be, we all have the potential to learn from them and found out who we really are, or are becoming.
Recently, a friend will be accomplishing one of life’s miracles and someone in particular will be sharing the burden of that miracle, the story behind it is long and treacherous so I will not go into details, but know that it has turned someone into what they are not. Hateful, deceitful, angry, depressed, and other things I can’t explain follow this person, was it the sacrifice of love that drove them mad, probably; was it a series of heartbreaks in the long line of events that led to this day, maybe; after all this we still do not take into consideration how much we grow withier it be bad or good, we all need to observe what is happening around us.
The recipient was forced to take action to behold certain expectations and it seems that the other person was extremely taken by the fact of one’s attitude toward the situation, did not know how to react since bitterness did not work, and tried a friendly approach, possible salvage any remnants of a friendship that was left.
I may have confused you with all the non-specific examples but my point is that we all are in this world given choices and those choices lead us to different opportunities, our experiences have a hand in defining who we are, may it be good or bad or nether, and we need to learn from what is around us to really grasp ourselves, look back at what you have accomplished, failed, lost and gained, where do you stand, are you happy?, sad? What can you better yourself? Just realize that what you do affects someone else and like ripples in a pond scattered across the surface, they branch out only to come back some way and in some form.
The only truth is that the past is past and we live in the present to focus on the future, maybe we focus too much, no matter what you do, it wil
Recently, a friend will be accomplishing one of life’s miracles and someone in particular will be sharing the burden of that miracle, the story behind it is long and treacherous so I will not go into details, but know that it has turned someone into what they are not. Hateful, deceitful, angry, depressed, and other things I can’t explain follow this person, was it the sacrifice of love that drove them mad, probably; was it a series of heartbreaks in the long line of events that led to this day, maybe; after all this we still do not take into consideration how much we grow withier it be bad or good, we all need to observe what is happening around us.
The recipient was forced to take action to behold certain expectations and it seems that the other person was extremely taken by the fact of one’s attitude toward the situation, did not know how to react since bitterness did not work, and tried a friendly approach, possible salvage any remnants of a friendship that was left.
I may have confused you with all the non-specific examples but my point is that we all are in this world given choices and those choices lead us to different opportunities, our experiences have a hand in defining who we are, may it be good or bad or nether, and we need to learn from what is around us to really grasp ourselves, look back at what you have accomplished, failed, lost and gained, where do you stand, are you happy?, sad? What can you better yourself? Just realize that what you do affects someone else and like ripples in a pond scattered across the surface, they branch out only to come back some way and in some form.
The only truth is that the past is past and we live in the present to focus on the future, maybe we focus too much, no matter what you do, it wil
A letter to.....dad?
I started to write to my father the other day, I began writing and could not stop and what was originally a letter turned into some sort of realization.
How much do we really have control over? How much do we really know about someone? The answer is that we only know what we see and what we have heard. In my particular case, I was forced into a new world(Jackson, Michigan), not know of what events that took place to get me there, innocent to the world ahead, and until recently I have never given much thought into this genre of deep thinking.
So… To my father, I do not know of what events that have transpired between you and my mother, but all I know is that it’s irrelevant, but what isn’t is the fact that we have finally found one another. Since the initial days of partum, I always wondered who my father is; was he kind, was he funny, caring, loving, all the attributes that a star father would have, or would he obtain the qualities that my mother so blatantly placed; rude, harsh, a liar and cheater, such attributes I would not find good at all, or was this a preemptive strike in order to wean my indulgence of my search for my father. It’s all here say, it does not matter, but what matters is the relationship I can finally start with my father.
There so many questions I have, so much time lost never again can be retrieved, except for the random reminiscent image. So with that said, every moment hence forth is crucial, laughs, love, the occasional emotional conversation, the trips to the bar, father son bonding moments I need to fulfill some sort of void I have within my soul.
Ready? 23 years have gone by with only unanswered whispers lost to the wind, prayers felt unworthy of attention but until now, when the time is right. How does one pick up the shattered remains of a lost dream, how can you glue back the fabrics of someone’s hopes, you can’t……….. The damage is done, and it is time to write a new chapter in the book of life.
Is there anything to regret? Maybe the results, and some of the affects it may have such as the ripples run across time and space, but in all honesty to regret would mean to undo, and without our experiences to guide us into the future we will learn nothing.
What we learn from life, what we experience, our environment and the way we adapt, has a great influence on who we become. The saying, “Nature VS. Nurture”, should really say, “Nature along with Nurture”.
In the end, only one thing is certain and that is death. The meaning of life will remain unanswered but only because we feel that the answer needs to be some sort of philosophical revelation guiding us all to a pre-determined destiny, I don’t feel that at all. I feel that the meaning of life is just that, to give our life meaning.
How we spend our days here matters most, you never know when your number is up. Create long lasting relationships, care unto others as if they were you, and don’t scorn others for their beliefs. The result of mankind is solely affected by mankind’s choices in its people. We are all the same really, and it is our soul that thrives in this world, and it is up to you to have made it worth it.
How much do we really have control over? How much do we really know about someone? The answer is that we only know what we see and what we have heard. In my particular case, I was forced into a new world(Jackson, Michigan), not know of what events that took place to get me there, innocent to the world ahead, and until recently I have never given much thought into this genre of deep thinking.
So… To my father, I do not know of what events that have transpired between you and my mother, but all I know is that it’s irrelevant, but what isn’t is the fact that we have finally found one another. Since the initial days of partum, I always wondered who my father is; was he kind, was he funny, caring, loving, all the attributes that a star father would have, or would he obtain the qualities that my mother so blatantly placed; rude, harsh, a liar and cheater, such attributes I would not find good at all, or was this a preemptive strike in order to wean my indulgence of my search for my father. It’s all here say, it does not matter, but what matters is the relationship I can finally start with my father.
There so many questions I have, so much time lost never again can be retrieved, except for the random reminiscent image. So with that said, every moment hence forth is crucial, laughs, love, the occasional emotional conversation, the trips to the bar, father son bonding moments I need to fulfill some sort of void I have within my soul.
Ready? 23 years have gone by with only unanswered whispers lost to the wind, prayers felt unworthy of attention but until now, when the time is right. How does one pick up the shattered remains of a lost dream, how can you glue back the fabrics of someone’s hopes, you can’t……….. The damage is done, and it is time to write a new chapter in the book of life.
Is there anything to regret? Maybe the results, and some of the affects it may have such as the ripples run across time and space, but in all honesty to regret would mean to undo, and without our experiences to guide us into the future we will learn nothing.
What we learn from life, what we experience, our environment and the way we adapt, has a great influence on who we become. The saying, “Nature VS. Nurture”, should really say, “Nature along with Nurture”.
In the end, only one thing is certain and that is death. The meaning of life will remain unanswered but only because we feel that the answer needs to be some sort of philosophical revelation guiding us all to a pre-determined destiny, I don’t feel that at all. I feel that the meaning of life is just that, to give our life meaning.
How we spend our days here matters most, you never know when your number is up. Create long lasting relationships, care unto others as if they were you, and don’t scorn others for their beliefs. The result of mankind is solely affected by mankind’s choices in its people. We are all the same really, and it is our soul that thrives in this world, and it is up to you to have made it worth it.
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