Have you ever felt you have so much potential but you can’t put it into anything, or at the very least you can but your actions seem to fall short of where you really would like to be? There is so much that I am capable of but yet, I am not given the chance to show the world what I can do. The only place where I can truly let everything out is with my band tribal path there are no rules just let everything out and that is how music, true music is made.
My work right now is pretty crummy, well I should say lack of work really, I need to find a job that will be consistent I have all these people resting on my shoulders and all the stress that is filling up my plate , yes I may have been the one that put it there in the first place but I have aspired to be so much more to the ones I care about, I would like to be a better husband, a better friend, a better supporter, a protector, well there are a lot of things but the main point is that I feel like I am failing. Sure I am only 23yrs old but time to me has no boundaries on a person’s kinetic potential. I have had some setbacks but I am working through them and well….. I don’t know what to say, this is life. Maybe I have held my expectations up too high, but, from the words of my closest friend Jon, “I would rather shoot for the stars and miss than aim for the gutter and make it”. I don’t know there is just a lot that I need done in my life or I won’t feel like I am the person I need to be, want to be. Sometimes I feel I need to push the ones I love away for a while just so I can prevent them from getting hurt, even by myself. Is it wrong of me to think that? Don’t I have a right to? They say you need to put yourself first worry about your happiness just as much, but to me that is an opinion, I feel that I won’t be happy until everyone else around me is as happy as they can be, to live life the way I want them to. May I become the hermit that sits all lonesome on the open roads that contain no bounds, I don’t want that at all, but to save the ones I love from such torment, maybe it’s worth it. I would give up my life knowing that they could live comfortable the rest of their lives, roof over their heads, food on the table, luxuries like cable and internet I mean whatever that they wanted they could have( I also want them to know the value of hard work as well), I don’t know I feel like I am rambling now, there are so many thing I want to do, no , need to do but in reality there is little I can do, there is so many things that I may have control over.
This is not some piece of writing begging for sympathy not at all, but rather this is a piece that will allow those who read understand how I feel about some current situations. It also won’t matter what you tell me, not to be rude, but I will feel this way in one more way than one until I feel that there are certain things that have been taken care of, so until then, I do enjoy the time I have with the people I love and care about, only want the best for them, is that too much to ask?
God if you can hear my prayers all I ask that I have the opportunities to be able to change my life and for those people around me, the ones that I love. There is no better feeling to me in the world when I see the eyes of those around me with a spirit in their eyes, of true love and thankfulness, knowing how much I have done for them and how much I love them, and knowing that I would do anything for their happiness. I think I only felt that once or twice.
Anyway I am gonna go have a smoke now, I kinda need one it has been a long day to a great weekend.
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